i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
