Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
