his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
