I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he fucked my hip out of place.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
