just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
