It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
