In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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