First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
