I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
