sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it hurts more in the daytime
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
