The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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