FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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