Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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