Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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