I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
