my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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