just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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