just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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