The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
