420 ftw
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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