does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
