my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
