well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
