If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
