Welp...herpes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
