He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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