why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
