i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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