Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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