Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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