well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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