She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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