The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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