She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
