Drunk walkin through police station. America
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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