dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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