There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
