can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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