Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
