I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
