Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I pour the whiskey from now on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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