The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
