just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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