im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Green mimosas i think yes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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