I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
