why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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