I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
