last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
