Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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