I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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