We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This house was built for laser tag.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
