i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
