Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my sisters under your porch take her home
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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