Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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