Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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