I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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